


Almost just a Memory

by Mickey_99



Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [22]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Memories, Polyamory, Reminiscing, Sleepy Cuddles, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:41:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24988465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_99/pseuds/Mickey_99
Summary: Oikawa reminisces
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736596
Comments: 22
Kudos: 287





	Almost just a Memory

Oikawa held onto Kageyama as the younger male slept. Iwaizumi had left for work a while ago but Kageyama and Oikawa had a day off from their volleyball team. A day for them to rest their muscles before going back to practicing hard again. Oikawa had a weird quirk that he picked up ever since he had found out Tobio was their third soulmate. Oikawa woke up before Kageyama all the time. Something people never tell you about almost losing someone, the fear never quite leaves you. Sometimes Oikawa still woke up with a start and searched out his youngest soulmate as a way to ensure the boy was alive. But when Oikawa wakes up normally, he simply searches for Tobio so that Oikawa could hold him close and simply be thankful that Iwaizumi had chosen to pick up the phone that day. Tobio was the one blessing that Oikawa would be always thankful for.

Oikawa remembers sitting in the hospital chair, next to Tobio’s bedside, and just praying for everything to end up okay.

“I swear you can take away my entire future in volleyball,” Oikawa would mumble to any deity that was listening,” Just don’t take him from us. Don’t take away my chance to say sorry. Don’t take away my chance to love him. Please take anything else, just not this.”

Oikawa could tell Iwaizumi was listening when he said those things, because Oikawa could see Iwaizumi’s shoulders tense. Oikawa swears he saw tears too. But Iwaizumi never said anything, he just stared out the window hopelessly hoping that everything would end up okay.

One day while they were sitting there Oikawa was so consumed by guilt that he had started to sob,” It’s my fault isn’t it?”

“I think it goes further than you- “Iwaizumi had started to rebut what Oikawa had said but stopped when he saw the look on Oikawa’s face.

“I always thought Tobio was going to end up with someone perfect for him… Another person who was better than me… I never thought fate would let him settle for me.” Oikawa says burying his face into his hands.

“Oikawa stop,” Iwaizumi says trying to pull Oikawa out of the hole of absolute self-loathing that the brunette had fallen into. “You know that won’t fix anything. Okay, maybe you fucked up, but he isn’t dead yet.”

Oikawa had just shook his head and gone silent. If Iwaizumi wouldn’t let him hate himself out loud, he would do it silently.

To this very day, the moment that Tobio woke up was the happiest moment of Oikawa’s life. There was nothing that compared to holding Tobio for that first time.

Oikawa pulls Tobio even further into his own chest as he thinks about the moment. And never had Oikawa felt as complete as the moment when all three of them had been able to go home and cuddle while watching shitty alien movies.

Later that night they had all slept in the same bed. Oikawa’s heart had ached when Kageyama had woken up with a scream before bolting into the bathroom to throw up. The horrible retching had made Oikawa pause as uncertainty kicked in and he didn’t quite know what to do. Luckily, Iwaizumi hadn’t frozen and was up and into the bathroom in only seconds. Oikawa heard Iwaizumi trying to comfort Tobio out of a panic.

“It’s okay Tobio,” Oikawa heard Iwaizumi say gently,” You’re with Shittykawa and me. You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re going to be okay.”

Oikawa heard Kageyama’s sobs of utter exhaustion. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

At the sounds of Kageyama’s apologies, Oikawa had made his way into the bathroom. He had stood taking in the scene before him. Kageyama was being rocked back and forth by Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi was running gentle fingers through Kageyama’s hair.

“Shhhh,” Iwaizumi shushed Kageyama,” You did nothing wrong. You did absolutely nothing wrong.”

Iwaizumi had given Oikawa an armful of the shaking boy before getting up to get their youngest soulmate a cup of water. Oikawa had held tightly to the boy in his arms, trying to take away whatever pain he could. Oikawa had tried to hold back his tears as Kageyama cried himself to sleep in his arms.

Oikawa plays with Kageyama’s hair gently as he remembers that day. Eventually Oikawa’s hand glides down to Kageyama’s arm where all of Tobio’s self-harm scars resided. Oikawa remembers the first time he had seen Kageyama self-harming again. It was only a little while after Kageyama’s dad had been arrested. Kageyama hadn’t been taking the trials well. In fact, Kageyama had a wall up on his side of the bond since the beginning of the trials, much to Oikawa’s and Iwaizumi’s dismay. But Oikawa didn’t know how bad it actually was until he discovered Kageyama cutting in the bathroom. Oikawa had dropped what he was doing and plucked the razor out of Kageyama’s hand. There was no struggle for the blade or a dramatic speech. Oikawa simply bandaged up Kageyama’s arms before disposing of the rest of the blades.

“No more,” Oikawa said simply while shakily holding onto Kageyama’s hands,” Please I can’t see you all bloody like this again. No more.”

Kageyama had looked with wide eyes at Oikawa. And Oikawa didn’t blame him. The sight of blood on Kageyama’s arms had sent Oikawa back to sitting in that hospital chair, to trying desperately to stop the flow of blood, to watching as Kageyama’s eyes slowly lost all form of life.

“I’ll try to stop,” Kageyama says quietly. “I promise this time.”

And Kageyama had kept that promise up until the moment that his father had told him about Kageyama’s second income. Up until the point where Kageyama had watched the video to see if his father was telling the truth. It was then that Kageyama put up a wall again. It was then the Kageyama refused to sleep with them anymore. It was then that they had to listen to his screams from a room away. It was then that they listened with heavy hearts as Kageyama paced in the middle of the night. It was then that he self-harmed again.

That time it had been Iwaizumi that found Kageyama, and Oikawa had walked home to his youngest soulmate having bandaged arms. And Iwaizumi having a haunted look on his face. Oikawa had known that feeling all too well. The feeling of losing your grasp on something important to you. The feeling of it slowly slipping through your fingers.

But when Oikawa and Iwaizumi finally made eye-contact that night, they knew they were going to hold on tight even if it killed them.

The night that Hinata got shot, Oikawa thought he was going to have to throw away the sharp objects again. Oikawa was ready to stay up the entire night to make sure Kageyama was okay. But instead of going to a separate room to sleep, Kageyama crawled into bed with them.

“Please just hold me,” Kageyama says, his voice cracking,” Don’t let me hurt myself again.”

Oikawa and Iwaizumi had wrapped themselves around Tobio without second thought.

“We were never going to let that happen,” Oikawa said softly.

They had all three fallen asleep in the same bed again. The sleep wasn’t peaceful, but it was better than being separated.

Sleep didn’t really come easily again until after the trials. Until after the ring was taken down. And it was about 2 months after the trials until sleep finally came a lot easier.

Four months after the trials, Kageyama wanted to try being intimate again. This time though Kageyama wasn’t as shy as when they had first done it. In fact, Kageyama seemed to channel his inner “Oikawa” during sex. Much to the delight of Oikawa and dismay of Iwaizumi. Though Iwaizumi wasn’t all that dismayed.

Oikawa was brought out of his musings by a text shooting across his phone.

**_From Iwa-chan <3<3<3_ **

_Don’t forget the ring tonight… And make sure you leave in time so that we can get the keys to the gym before Kageyama gets there._

**_To Iwa-chan <3<3<3_ **

_You have very little faith in me Iwa-chan._

**_From Iwa-chan <3<3<3_ **

_Just make the 3 pm train please._

Oikawa smiled at the phone lovingly before turning to kiss Kageyama’s forehead. Oikawa had done enough reminiscing for the morning. Right now he was going to focus on what he had, and what he was about to gain.

Oikawa pulls Kageyama in close and holds on tight. This was never going to slip through his fingers again.

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